Long before I even met Mr Right, I dreamt of having a daughter (probably a subconscious extension of my `Barbie' obsession). Needless to say, I was thrilled when my second born turned out to be a girl. Her `petite'-ness gave her additional doll-like features and I delighted in changing her from one cute outfit to the next.

Imagine my horror when a few years later, my then-four-year-old daughter announced out of the blue: "Mummy I want three things; glasses, braces, and I want to be a boy". I wrote it off as wanting to be like her older brother and didn't pay much attention, but gradually it became more and more apparent that my daughter was turning into a tomboy. First came the refusal to wear dresses and skirts, then the rejection of anything pink.

While some mothers complained of the complete opposite i.e. daughters who refuse to wear trousers, others assured me that they too were tomboys as children and that it really wasn't anything more than a phase they would grow out of.

My daughter is seven now and this is the stage we are at. She won't wear dresses or pink, so we have compromised that she can wear trousers and shorts but they should be neutral in style. If she doesn't want `girlie' then I don't want `boyish'. She can choose karate or kick-boxing as her school activity as long as she also joins the dance class (which she does enjoy!). In her spare time she plays with Lego, while her Barbies (which she did once ask for) sit untouched on the shelf. Her favourite outdoor activities include football and baseball, but I don't have a problem with that. Since her brother started growing his hair, so has she. Ironically, her female classmates are quite envious of her popularity with the boys at school and the ease with which she communicates with them.
Much has been researched and written about why girls become tomboys, the question of nature versus nurture continues to be debated, although a study by British researchers at City University, London found that it may have to do with the levels of testosterone in the mother's body during pregnancy. "The higher the level of maternal testosterone, the more likely it is that girls will enjoy activities typically considered male behaviour, like playing with trucks or guns," reports the study. Maternal testosterone levels don't appear to affect boys' behaviour, however, according to the study. There is no evidence that this will ultimately lead to children becoming gay, lesbian, transexual or anything else.

Parents are encouraged to provide a safe environment for exploration which will not affect or change a child's ultimate gender identity; but rather, this environment will encourage the child's sense of personal well-being, regardless of gender.

Tomboys usually grow up to have strong self-esteem, because they have dared to be different in their elementary years. Many former tomboys grow up to be successful business women and have the skills to cope well in a male-dominated environment.

Generally, I feel OK about giving my daughter enough room to develop her own personality, even though I could scream with frustration when I see all the lovely clothes I could be dressing her up in! We haven't really got to any stages yet where I've felt helpless or worried that things were getting out of control. A friend told me that she took the "tomboy thing" so far, that she insisted on her parents calling her by the masculine version of her name. They obliged her and played along. Needless to say that today there is no doubt about her sexual identity or femininity for that matter. Ultimately, I believe this too will be the outcome for my daughter.

However, when looking up this subject on the internet I couldn't help but feel a little alarmed by some of the material I came across. First there was an article with the headline: Is your daughter a daydreamer, tomboy or `chatty Kathy'? She may have undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. (www.addvance.com).

Apparently ADD or ADHD is much harder to detect in girls, and when out of curiosity I looked up the symptoms checklist, many of the points could be said to apply to my daughter. The diagnosis however should be made by a doctor. To be honest, I really do not know much about ADD - a friend in the UK told me that her son was diagnosed with this disorder and after being put on medication he much improved. The little I know about it - to me every second child could fit the bill (it is more prevalent in boys) - it scares me to even think about putting a child on medication for behavioural problems. It certainly goes against my way of thinking and I would be very reluctant to agree to this form of treatment. My initial reaction is that one really should not even assume tomboyish behaviour in a girl to be anything other than what it is. Obviously nobody in Bulgaria talks about ADD, I'm not sure we'd even be able to get a proper diagnosis in this country if we wanted to. There is certainly no reference to the disorder on Bulgarian-language internet sites.

There was I writing a cheerful little piece about tomboys and now this! How serious should I take the possibility of ADD and how badly can it affect a child's life? Some reports claim that children who go undiagnosed, really suffer. I guess there is a lot of reading to be done on the internet and maybe I just have to keep a closer eye on my daughter's development.

Then, of course, there is also the chance that we are dealing with a gender identity disorder that could ultimately lead to transsexualism!

Wow, maybe there should be a sanity-protection warning before one starts researching Family Matters on the internet!

I'm not denying these disorders exist, I have recently seen several documentaries about these and related subjects. Statistically, the odds are higher that your child could be transsexual than developing multiple sclerosis. So it may well affect some of us. According to The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy (www.merck.com): "Transsexuals usually have had gender identity problems in early childhood. The majority of children with gender identity conflicts do not however develop into adults with a gender identity disorder. Childhood gender identity disorders are usually present by the age of two. A child with the disorder prefers cross-dressing, insists that he is of the other sex, intensely and persistently desires to participate in the stereotypical games and activities of the other sex, and has negative feelings toward his genitalia."

I am glad that people and families affected by these problems can actually look for help and support via the media or the internet.

Society can be cruel when gender-labelling children, especially for boys who feel they want to be girls or at least explore the more feminine side of their nature. While most people laughingly accept the tomboyish antics of a girl, for the poor "sissy" there is very little understanding even within the own family.

All I want to say to bring this subject, which has started to get far too deep for this column, to a close is that as a parent I have unconditional love for my children and that all I want for them is to go through life happy and self confident. Whatever support they need from me along the way, I plan to be there for them. In the case of my tomboy - who knows, maybe before long she'll be putting on makeup and wearing skirts.

If not - it's also ok - I can always wait for a granddaughter to dress up!