Close to a quarter of Bulgarians, we were informed by a survey that was published to coincide with World Mental Health Day on October 10, had frequent attacks of various forms of mental disorders over the four-year period up to the end of 2007.

The most common ailments were phobias, panic attacks, depression, mania, mental disorders triggered by substance abuse and impulse control disorders, the last-mentioned caused mainly by stress.

Going by all that we have heard about spending by now-former governments, it might be suspected that problems with impulse control are caused directly by being appointed to the cabinet.

It is, of course, maddening not to have a basis of comparison with other countries, because the survey was done only in Bulgaria. Privately, considering that I regard one or two countries as collectively insane – with a higher number of countries, such as Libya, featuring leaders who are positively barking – I would like to think that Bulgarians are relatively sane.

The phobias bit I can well understand, given the popularity of conspiracy theories, belief in the influence of extra-terrestrial phenomena such as magnetic storms, and drivers who appear to have compulsive aversions to brakes, indicators and, in general, the rules of the road. However, phobias are generally linked to ritual behaviour believed to guarantee survival; the other motorists presumably are simply suicidal.

As to panic attacks and depression, patients would be well-advised to avoid most Bulgarian newspapers and, for that matter, reality television. Both offer a bizarre alternative reality more or less guaranteed to leave one quite unhinged. (Seriously, by the way, a doctor friend told me that she prescribed that patients with depression should avoid reading newspapers. As an editor, it is best that I do not speculate on the effects of working for newspapers.)

In all cases, patients should avoid listening to the pronouncements of politicians, and any patients who actually are politicians may be written off as lost causes.
I have not seen much evidence of mania in Bulgaria, but then I do not go to football matches, although probably my notes above about driving habits are of reference.
And after all, given that other countries sometimes do seem like enormous asylums, it has to be remembered that by extension, the survey must show that more than three-quarters of Bulgarians are quite fine, thank you very much.

The survey, of course, covered only Bulgarians, but not foreigners living in Bulgaria, who may well be prone to all manner of disorders caused by, for instance, dealing with bureaucracies – think residence and work permits – conducting bank transactions, avoiding being fleeced by taxi drivers, anarchy in place of proper queueing, and, I shall have to mention it again, behaviour on the roads.

Before I came to live here, there were those who told me that I was mad. That’s it then. At least with a fair share of the population, I should be fitting in quite well.