Having lived in Portugal for five years and two years in Bulgaria, I have compiled a tongue-in-cheek and strictly unscientific comparison of day-to-day life in the two countries.

Infrastructure and transport

EU funds poured in after Portugal’s accession to the European Union. For example, the 300km between the Algarve and Lisbon can now be covered in two hours and 40 minutes. Most buses are properly air conditioned with sufficient leg room. Lisbon’s pavements are mostly in good condition. The capital has a fully developed underground system. Portugal wins and that’s no surprise.

Sandwiches

Portugal desperately needs to show some imagination on this front. Only two types of sandwich are available in supermarkets, sandes mista (mixed sandwich of cheese and ham) or a sandwich of ham or cheese. In practice, most sandwiches are a thick roll with a tiny piece of cheese or ham wedged in the middle. In Bulgaria, by contrast, most supermarkets have sandwiches with a wide range of fillings, e.g. the small store around the corner from our office has Roquefort cheese, turkey, chicken and tuna fish, to name but a few. Bulgaria wins.

Police

Portuguese policemen actually look they could run after a thief and catch him, in other words they are not overweight doughnut-munching gorillas as they are in Bulgaria. Portugal wins.

Taxi drivers

Most taxi drivers in Lisbon and the Algarve are pleasant and helpful. They drive large air-conditioned BMWs. They don’t blast out any music they please, unlike Bulgarian taxi drivers who frequently seem oblivious to their passengers. I’ve never seen a Portuguese taxi driver light a cigarette. Also, Bulgarian taxis are hideously uncomfortable and cramped by comparison. Portugal wins.

Eating out

There’s a uniformity to Portuguese cafes that makes dining experiences curiously interchangeable. All too often you feel you’re eating in someone’s bathroom because you are surrounded by so many tiles. The Portuguese may think they have a wider repertoire but once you get beyond the fish and snails and the ubiquitous chicken dishes the food itself is unimaginatively served and bland. Cakes seem to come from a central factory. Also, waiters in Portuguese restaurants bring your main dish served on a plate with potatoes and vegetables and usually their thumb in the potato for good measure. In Portugal, most al fresco dining is actually on outside pavements which means putting up with exhaust fumes while you eat. For some reason the Portuguese haven’t grasped the fact that you can convert a garden into a comfortable eating area. So Bulgaria wins by default. 

Wine

Bulgaria tries hard but could do better. Nothing quite rivals a good bottle of Portuguese Mateus Rose or a Dao wine. Portugal wins.

Driving

Portugal has a reputation for dangerous driving but it’s paradise compared to Bulgaria. Believe it or not, Portuguese drivers actually stop at pedestrian crossings. In Bulgaria, of course, people turn into maniacs when they get behind the wheel of a car. Portugal wins.

Banks and post offices

Staff in Portuguese banks are friendly and don’t look at you as though you’re about to rob the place like they do in Bulgaria. Neither will staff in Portuguese post offices scream at you like a teacher berating a naughty child as they sometimes do in Bulgaria. Portugal wins.

Drugs

Definitely one of the most unattractive features of Lisbon is that too many people are either users or supposedly "reformed" ex-druggies - in practice usually toothless car park attendants known as "arrumadores" who help you into your parking space and demand a euro in return. Fail to deliver aforementioned euro and you could find your car scratched by an aggrieved arrumador. The drug problem in Bulgaria, on the other hand, is not nearly so visible. Bulgaria wins.

Education

Portugal was a fascist country until 1974. Unlike the Communists, its rulers clearly cared little for education, preferring the masses to concentrate on fado and football. Hence, Portuguese illiteracy rates are alarmingly high. It’s still not uncommon to find an elderly maid, for example, who can’t read or write. Many older people have a surprisingly limited vocabulary. Even a rustic toothless Bulgarian baba, on the other hand, can read and write. Also, a peculiar lack of intellectual curiosity permeates certain Portuguese. Too often a question to a Portuguese person is greeted by a habitual shrug of the shoulders and an eternal "nao sei" - I don’t know. Bulgaria wins.

Inside the home

Many (older) Portuguese people are absolutely terrified of the sun, the way Bulgarians are of draughts. The Portuguese home reflects this. Windows are very small. I’ve been in some Lisbon flats that need a light on even in the afternoon because they’re so dark. Brown is - surprise, surprise - their preferred colour: brown walls, bedspreads, pillowcases, tables and walls are the norm. Homes are uninviting, dark and gloomy. Go into a Bulgarian home, by contrast, and even though the outside may be dilapidated, the interior is inviting and cosy. Bulgaria wins.

Hygiene

Portuguese public toilets have SOAP to offer clients and, unlike Bulgarian ones, attendants don’t have the cheek to charge you. Portuguese streets are usually well maintained. A recent holiday in Albufeira was a joy because of the cleanliness and good order. Common areas are not strewn with bottles and empty cigarette packets the way they are in Bulgaria. Portugal wins by a knockout.

Crime

Both Bulgaria and Portugal score very well on this front. But some areas of Lisbon can be dangerous after dark. Stories of muggings of tourists in areas like the Bairro Alto are a black mark on Lisbon’s scorecard. Despite Bulgaria’s mutri reputation, I still think it’s one of the safest European cities for children. Bulgaria wins.

Politics

I used to think Portuguese politics was somewhat puerile. But, perhaps because democracy in Portugal has a longer tradition - 35 years as opposed to 20 - Portuguese voters tend to be a bit more sophisticated and don’t seek a new "messiah" every four years or so. Neither have I heard of vote-buying, so-called circles of business and other such corrupt activities. Portugal wins.

Customer service

Portuguese waiters and staff may not be overflowing in natural charm but they will endeavour to please you and generally display a minimum standard of courtesy. In Bulgaria, on the other hand, customer service fluctuates alarmingly. Portugal wins.

Conclusion

The overall result of this unobjective survey is a surprisingly narrow 8-7 victory to Portugal. Bearing in mind Portugal’s 23-year membership of the EU, perhaps the future for Bulgaria is brighter than we think?