Miss Bulgaria 2009 has silicon breasts. Another global crisis? Or a giant leap forward for mankind?

Reaction was mixed on that one. Here on the domestic scene some appalled members of society were almost hospitalised on hearing that a nip tuck patient had won the crown, while others further afield were blissfully joyous, like the guy in Sudan pictured by the paparazzi hopping on his camel and waving a Bulgarian flag around enthusiastically as a multitude of thousands watched on.

His camel only had one hump though so I don’t know why they considered him the connoisseur of such matters locally.
To further boost the gossip, her well-rounded majesty then leaked to all and sundry that these state of the art twin peaks were a gift from her Russian oligarch boyfriend. Extra ammunition maybe?

For the Miss World attempt? A war chest to win? Diplomatic coup for the boys in Moscow if she does, imagine that! Look what we still do for you chaps. You ask for gas and we stack you up with a couple of zeppelins-full. You want Europe and yet we give you the (Miss) World!   

But who actually manufactured the wobbly implants? Talking of leaks I sincerely hope they are not classic Russian engineering. The ‘Chelsea Offside Hot Air Football’ model perhaps? Whichever brand they are though as Boris Yeltsin once famously said after a few vodkas, we don’t build buildings we build ruins. So can they really do any better with software? Will one of her plugs mimic a rusty bolt from the Mir Space Station and blast off at a crucial moment shooting Miss BG across the stage like an out of control Molotov cocktail fuelled sputnik?  

And I am not up on the exact rules and regs of these beauty competitions but if her special effects are Russian, is that not cause for disqualification? One, because part of her is not truly Bulgarian anymore and two because ‘Miss Bulgaria 2009 and her Moscow Melons’ just won’t fit on the sash (subtitles are a no-no methinks), even if they could miraculously stretch the wretched thing over her magnificent chest?   

Did the organisers also make a big boob by letting people vote by text? Some dissidents claim the poll was rigged as tightly as the winner’s bra and thus her breasts were not the only silicon about the proceedings. I can see their point too. It is a travesty when a country so full of natural beauty has to choose a chunk of fantastic plastic to represent it, literally, on the world stage and do it by sms into the bargain.

Why am I gumming up the page with all this state of the (miss) nation rubbish though? Is there not enough garbage on the streets already? Purely because despite all my ribbing folks, isn’t it great to see a young woman set such an in-your-face example to the powers that be?
I mean with so many institutions in Bulgaria having no balls maybe they should take a leaf out of her book and simply get some silicon ones, no?