Smoking is a very Bulgarian pastime, in fact, so many people puff away here like the funnel of the QE2 that perhaps it could even claim to be the national sport.

High time to blow the whistle on this dangerous game though, ref! Not least because, horrifying health issues aside, it seems that every few days in winter the omnipresent atom bomb plume of tobacco fumes that looms large over "The Big Smoke" (Sofia) somehow manages to blow downwind and asphyxiate the bloody airport.

Fogs? Huh? Is that duty-free English I spy in the weather reports or something? For, without doubt, it's surely fags clogging up the country's main artery, not mist. Ok, happily, at least, partial prohibition on toking the demon weed is finally on the horizon, meaning that all the tin can hopefully be pushed around on time once again by air traffic control. And pigs might fly.

Super, but is there ever no smoke without fire? Especially in a country like Bulgaria, with all its smoking guns? Cue someone to do a quick Downfall spoof on YouTube (such as http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkDxF2kn1I&feature=related), starring a nicotine-starved mutra going postal in a basement bunker bar at 3am about this curb, I reckon. "Vot?A ban? Douse my Gran Corona? No vay boys! Vot do ze authorities zink I am supposed to do now? Stick an effing nicotine patch on my bald head? Zat's going to make me look real tough in ze neighbourhood, no?! Vell I'll give ze idiotz some real smoke to vorry about if zat's vot zey vant. Let's go burn down Parliament!"

There's more fun, too. In particular, news that percolated out recently about a ludicrous "sponsorship" deal that will really make you choke on your chewing gum until you realise just how cynically clever it might be. You see, apparently an insurance company, yes, an insurance company, has agreed that a tobacco outfit can use its name on one of its brands for the next 10 years or so. No kidding, now your smoke really could have the same name on it as the fire, health or life insurance policy you have just gotta buy, precisely because you (third) light the damn thing. I can tell the sheer genius gall of it is already making you reach for a gasper. Bit over the top, hey?

Hmm.
Odds on now that some bright corporate sparks will soon go the whole hog by painting luminous adverts down the side of each cigarette and printing an application form on each box itself so insurance salesmen can literally do those proverbial deals on the back of fag packets at last.
"Coughin' on this coffin nail? Then buy your cheap insurance from this pack today!"
Oh well, in a country where paperwork tends to be a tad confusing, at least it will make something simpler to arrange.
The whole is almost as bizarre as the other brand called "Victory", though.
Victory! Err cripes, for who exactly! Undertakers?
Sometimes it's all enough to make you give up entirely, isn't it?
Hope so!