The recent headline story in this and other media about the foreigners who failed the first ever English language driving test in Bulgaria really made me giggle. The poor Indians from Kremikovtsi steel plant were possibly the best guinea pigs this country could ever find. After all, the level of driving skills in their home country matches those of the members of the club that Bulgaria belongs to:

"Egypt, Kazakhstan, Cyprus and Bora Bora".

I suppose the guys at Kremikovtsi steel plant should do the same as most of my Bulgarian friends who failed their tests do, PAY! The price for a B-class licence varies between 200 and 1000 leva depending on who you know, and for a little more you can try your aggression on an 18-wheeler...

The most extreme case I know is about a former employee of mine who, after a multitude of failings, decided to pay the price and immediately after he received his "licence to kill" got behind the wheel of a BMW and drove across the country. Fortunately the misguided soul didn't kill himself or anyone else.

Too many Bulgarian drivers give the impression that they have only last weekend left their cart and donkey at the City Gate and seem to have no idea about traffic rules, courtesy or how to control their motor vehicle. Especially those who take up the second oldest profession in the world, that of taxi driver, give the impression that their skills are better suited to the speed of an animal-drawn form of transport or at best a Trabant.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the wonderful wedding of my general manager Kristina in the impressive Varna Cathedral. I decided to drive and take some other guests with me. Although it is always a pleasure to drive across the beautiful land of Orpheus, the craziness I encountered was second to none.

Especially on the non-highway part of this route, I was confronted with one idiot after the other. I saw people cars overtaking in bends on mountain roads, speeding at 140km/h+ through sleepy villages, swerving from left-to-right while speaking on a GSM or being engaged in emotional conversations while using all limbs to gesture.

I have always wondered if the Bulgarian race might have a genetic condition that disables them from proper conduct in traffic. If you want some free curb-side amusement you should pay attention to the parallel parking skills of the descendants of Asparuh, especially the ones with the larger cars and or blonde bleached hair. After they had some fun pretending to run over some pedestrians at every crossing they pass, having speeded through narrow streets in the centre of town, and stopped in the middle of the road to chat with some friends, they wouldn't know how to park if they could save their lives with this alien skill.

In a previous life, my ex-wife used to try to get me to slow down in traffic by saying that the way that a man drove was an indication of his style in a somewhat more intimate skill. If this is true I feel sorry for Bulgarian men since the raw aggression of the Bulgarian female behind the wheel brings to mind the stories I read about their Amazonian female ancestors who rode their horses shoulder to shoulder with their men and even gave birth while in the saddle.

If you got the impression from this column that I tried to insult the entire nation you completely misunderstood me. In order to insult someone you assume that your message was understood, I am absolutely sure that the reactions I will get will vary from: "If you don't like it here why don't you leave" to "You don't understand our culture, this is Bulgaria where things are different".

Koos Jan Schouten (1954) was born in Amsterdam, has lived in Bulgaria since 1998, owns webfactorybulgaria.com and has been married since 2002 to his lovely Lilly.