Have you ever heard of the Bermuda Triangle? People have commonly regarded it as a deadly area in the Atlantic Ocean where ships mysteriously go missing and all sorts of calamities occur. San Juan, Bermuda and Miami triangulate to form this area of catastrophe and, some believe, paranormal activity. Christopher Columbus was one of the first to cite the strange activity. Among other curious notations, he mentioned bizarre compass bearings in this area. Although I was far from the Atlantic Ocean this weekend, I truly believe that I had a Bermuda Triangle experience.

For those of us living abroad, three aspects of our life can sometimes triangulate and the result can be chaos, calamity and even a loss of our compass bearings. Most expat families are living in Bulgaria because of job issues related to one or both parents' professional responsibilities.

Observe then, corner number one of the triangle: career demands. Secondly, many expats live here with their family, creating the second corner of the triangle: children. Finally, the third corner is the host culture, which requires interpretation, adaptation and assimilation in order to survive. When these three components come together, dangerous waters may lie ahead.

Quite honestly, if parents do not approach these situations with thoughtfulness and understanding, the result can be detrimental for the family, especially the children.

During a recent weekend, my husband and I packed up our four cherubs for a five-hour drive to another part of Bulgaria. The trip was a mixture of work and pleasure and the people we were spending time with are not strangers to our family. However, the majority of the people spoke Bulgarian, we were immersed in Bulgarian culture and the predominant goal of our trip was business, complete with five out-of-town guests whom we were attempting to host.

Challenging really is not an adequate description of the weekend. Chaos comes closer to characterising those two long days. Much like Christopher Columbus, there were moments during those 48 hours when the family compass rendered readings far off course. In retrospect, a little more planning and preparation would have resulted in a more positive outcome for our journey.

Language is one of the great unifying agents in a situation. While it is true that children pick up language quickly, many expat kids may not have enough opportunities to interact in the language of their host country and, therefore, they do not feel comfortable in situations where the host language is dominant. If expat children living in Bulgaria are embedded in a learning environment that functions in another language, their opportunities for practicing Bulgarian are quite limited and without proper resources, they may falter.

This was the case for my children during that fateful weekend. Our normally outgoing and very talkative girls withdrew from interacting with adults, teens or even children who approached them. When questioned as to why, their answers were always a predictable "I don't understand what they are saying to me". Situations in which young children are unable to decipher the cues around them leave them feeling very vulnerable and they tend to withdraw and even hide in an effort to regain their equilibrium.

The lack of ability to communicate with words can also create an attitude of anger within children. The stresses tied to navigating in a language they cannot understand quickly build a foundation for feelings of frustration, anger, fear and sadness. Kids can feel left out. They can feel forgotten. They can feel unsure. Sometimes, they may choose to channel those negative feelings towards the people of the host country, the culture of the host country or the language of the host country.

At the end of that long weekend, our five year old blurted: "Bulgarian is disgusting."

Differences in dress and attitudes towards health also can play a dominant role in the danger zone of this cultural triangle. While Bulgarians tend to dress their children more warmly, their Western counterparts use fewer layers, with perhaps Americans toping the list of lightly clothed individuals. "She is naked" has been a consistent lament during the winter months when Bulgarian babas lay their hands on our children.

Close behind the commentary on clothes is always the debate over the danger of the kids sitting on the cold floor. In a full and busy household where cushioned seating is a commodity, the floor is fair game for lounging. In Bulgarian culture, the floor is a quick road to catching a cold.

Now shift attention to the first point of our Bermuda Triangle: the career corner. This is often the reason for the family's transition to a foreign culture. In some jobs, the pressures to perform and to produce can overflow into unrealistic expectations for the family. When the boss comes to town or colleagues come over, parents may feel that their children must act as showcases of positive transition. If the boss notes that the children are struggling to transition, will he or she pass the promotion to a colleague who does not have the added pressure of family?

At the end of our trip, we spent a few minutes evaluating the weekend. Professionally, it had been a success, but had the family stayed afloat? The answer was yes, but it certainly had not been smooth sailing!

In retrospect, some fundamental yet simple changes to our family routine could have made the journey easier on everyone. The journey in question being not just the weekend but rather the duration of our stay in our country of port. As we considered the changes in our co-ordinates, which we felt we needed to make for the sake of family, we realised that not only would the changes result in smoother sailing, but with a little creativity, they could also become fun adventures for the entire family.

Learn to speak the language is at the top of the list. Sometimes folks argue that Bulgarian is not a major language, so why expend the effort. Besides the multitude of studies that show learning any language improves a plethora of skills connected to education, learning Bulgarian has the added benefit of putting children at ease during their sojourn in this country.

Given the fact that sink or swim tactics are not the ideal situation in which to place our children, how can we go about acclimating our kids to language learning?

*Study Bulgarian. Enroll in Bulgarian language classes if your child's school does not offer it as part of the curriculum. Even if it is part of the curriculum, those hours may not be enough.

*Bulgarian night. Set aside one night of the week where the family does its best to communicate only in Bulgarian. Have a Bulgarian dish to go along with the theme and make it fun.

*See a film in Bulgarian. Bulgaria dubs most of its kids' movies. Do not avoid a night at the cinema because the feature is not in your language. Watch the movie on DVD in your language first and then take the kids to see it on the big screen in Bulgarian. Their knowledge of the story will help feed their understanding of the language. Inverting the sequence also works. See it in Bulgarian first. Let your children hypothesise about what they thought or understood was happening from the movie. Then, watch it on DVD in your language or read the book.

*Play with kids. Make an effort to get your children involved on the playground where Bulgarian kids are playing. An even better option is to form a friendship with a Bulgarian family who has children of similar age. Do things together as families and let friendship do the rest.

*Immerse. Find opportunities to visit villages or involve yourself in activities that occur only in Bulgarian. Begin with short periods of immersion and work up to longer periods. Avoid the temptation to mix this with other responsibilities that add pressure and stress. Concentrate all of your attention on this one activity to make it fun and worthwhile.

Study the culture and history. It does not take a detective to uncover Bulgaria's rich culture and history. Do some research on the internet. Take some field trips - the potter in Plovdiv is a highlight. The village of Etera where early 20th-century life has been preserved is a lot of fun. Bulgaria is rich in history and culture that can make for exciting family excursions.

As parents who are called on to frequently balance between family and career, it is good to be reminded that children are not promotional displays, trophies or status symbols. They should not have to carry the burden of behaviour in order to protect or enhance the career opportunities of their parents. Children must be our priority.

An educator in an international setting recently remarked: "It is surprising how many parents move their families overseas without considering the implications for their children. Their move is based on their career advancement." That is a good wake-up call from a professional who has seen the effects of such actions.

Thousands of ships have made safe voyage across those vast 1.2 million square kilometres covered by the Bermuda Triangle. In fact, according to Wikipedia, "the occasional vessel still sinks but rarely without a trace". It is probable that the unsolved, mysterious disappearances had more to do with captains who steered off course, becoming trapped in unexpected storms at sea. A little extra preparation, some caution, attention for the signs that a storm was brewing could have resulted in a happier and safer journey.

Perhaps the same is true for those of us navigating the waters of international life. Know the potential problems unique to our children because of their upbringing. Deana Perske, the librarian at the Anglo-American School of Sofia, is not only an international mother, but also a professional who has watched many international families journey through a variety of cultural settings. She frequently suggests books by David C Pollock on raising international kids. That is a good place to start.

Nothing can keep the storms at bay but preparation, education and a lot of patience can definitely help keep the family afloat while we sail through Bulgaria. Bon Voyage.