MARY Kate Olsen. Jamie-Lynn Sigler. Carre Otis. Paula Abdul.  Victoria Beckham. Johnny Depp. Lindsay Lohan. Celebrities, one and all. Personalities of renown that your daughter, if she falls between the ages of nine and 21, will most likely recognise.  She may even admire some or be a fan of others. Chances are she has already noticed the way their stylish clothes hug the slender curves of their shimmering bodies. No doubt the graceful lines and glamorous poses have been burned into her mind's eye. The message has been received: thin is beautiful. What will probably go unnoticed by those inquiring eyes of hers are the battle scars, both emotional and physical, that mar the beauty which she so admires, for each of these celebrities is known to have waged war against eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.

This conversation can be approached from a variety of perspectives. As a mother of four daughters my personal impetus for this article is obvious.  However, eating disorders are no respecter of gender - boys can also be affected.  Many of The Echo's readers are parents and it would be natural to enter this dialogue from a parental point of view.  The accompanying statistics indicate that those of us with pre-teens are already engaged in battle, a reality we may not yet have realised. 

One has only to look around to realise that we live in a culture that loves slender forms and figure-hugging fashion.  Before we begin to explore the messages that our children are receiving, we would be wise to take a personal inventory. How do you feel about your body?  How do you talk about your body?  How much have you been shaped by the view that slender is better?  As I asked myself those very soul searching questions, I found that my answers were uncomfortable. When I began to read about prevention in preparation for this column, I realised that the first steps begin where so many steps of prevention begin, at the heart of everything - the home. 

It is my terrifying and joy-filled responsibility to co-lead four lively girls on a journey from infancy to adulthood.  I pray that we can get them there healthy and in one piece. I hope that ultimately, they will be creative and contributing members of society who realise that their value arises from a deeper source than their outward appearance. If possible, I would like to end the journey with some semblance of sanity still intact.  How do I do that?

I am not a psychologist.  I have no advice to share, nor do I have formulas for building a better body image in our children. Like you, I have a computer with a search engine that generates responses to the keywords I choose to enter. Like you, I have the ability to honestly assess myself and my attitudes. These abilities, working in combination with a desire for the best I can offer to my children, motivate me to seek change that begins with me. It is a frighteningly accurate fact that children tend to watch what their parents do and imitate that behaviour rather than listening and doing what they are told. 

It would seem that children at an early age begin to pick up on body image cues from their parents. I wonder what my girls think when they watch me react to my reflection in the mirror?  Do they notice that grimace on my face as I readjust the hem of my shirt?  Do they understand the reason for the groan as I turn for a side view?  Do they hear when I mutter under my breath, "I'm too fat to wear that today"? What went through their minds when I mentioned that I was on another diet?  What message did they receive, when their dad complimented my dress and my reply was, "I look too fat in it" instead of a simple, "thank you"?   If I hope for a child with positive attitudes toward her body, I must learn to exemplify a positive attitude toward my own body.

There are other practical steps we can take to build positive body images in our children.  According to an article by Abigail Natenshon who is an author on this subject, we should attempt to minimise what we say about weight and diet. Give praise for what she does or who she is instead of how she looks.  Interestingly, taking meals together as a family came up in several articles on prevention.  For the full text of Natenshon's comments, see "Tips for Parents:  Recognition and Prevention"

www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_past_20011004_d.jhtml

We will approach this topic from different perspectives in upcoming columns.  In the meantime, I encourage you to do some research on your own.  Engage others in conversation.  Next time you are standing before the mirror and feel tempted to groan, consider the reflection, for the attitude you find there may soon be reflected in the face of your child.

Useful websites:
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
www.something-fishy.org
www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_treatment
http://familyeducation.com
www.parentingteens.about.com/cs/eatingdisorders/a/eatingdisorder5

We invite you to post comments on the topics in the Family Matters column or suggestions for upcoming issues on our forum: www.sofiaecho.com/forum, under the new Family Matters heading.