IT was a simple Christmas, to put it in positive terms. We had been living in Moscow for just three months - just about the right amount of time needed to work up a really good case of culture shock. Our rented apartment was painfully bare of personal items, yet full of things like broken doors and old car pieces which our landlord was unwilling to part with. Not only were we in a foreign country but everything around us was foreign as well. It was the Christmas of 1994.

Although it had been five years since the fall of communism, in so many ways Russia was struggling with transition. For several decades, Christmas had been just another work day and so, there were no decorations, no Christmas jingles, no indicators that Christmas was taking place at all. As I recall that first holiday abroad, I envisage one brave store in that entire great city displaying a paltry string of blue lights across a sparsely decorated window.  That Christmas in 1994 passed just like the 70 Christmases before - Russians got out of bed, boarded the metro, and went to work.  I longed for so much that year - for a Christmas tree to brighten our cold apartment, for the joyful holiday music when I walked into a store, for the strings of twinkling lights and artfully decorated storefronts, for candy canes, fireplaces, warmly lit nativity scenes, family sing a-longs and red-suited Santas on every street corner.  

Looking back on that Christmas over a decade ago, I remember it not with sadness but rather with a whimsical softness in my heart. From my Christian perspective, it was a time of spiritual growth as I considered what was personally significant to me. Perhaps its simplicity became the foundation for the traditions that define our family today. And a few years later, as the feet of little girls began to waltz around our home, Christmas took on a new depth. Yet in my heart I know that these moments too will someday undergo transition when little girls grow into young women as they are wont to do. I would be wise to remember that while traditions are beautiful, they must mould and flex in such a way as to blend the comfort of the old with the freshness of the new. 

Perhaps this article strikes a chord in the hearts of readers who are themselves struggling with the whimsical longing of Christmas at home. There may be families who will be separated for the holidays - a difficult circumstance indeed. For others, perhaps it is the emphasis on the celebration that brings the struggle for that emphasis enunciates the emptiness of loved ones far away. There are still others who come from countries where Christmas is not the defining holiday of the year and the attention and business that swirls and jingles around Christmas is disconcerting.  If you are feeling stressed, depressed, melancholy, or anxious this month, you are not alone.

It would be true to say that cases of depression, levels of stress, and unfortunately, rates of suicide begin to rise at this time of year. Living in a foreign country can serve to complicate those feelings of loneliness and sadness. Trying to shop for the perfect gift in unfamiliar territory and in a foreign language can be a foreboding challenge - you have no idea how many times I have longed for a shopping mall ... or maybe you do. Credit cards and bank accounts take a hit that will leave some in debt well into 2006. Having a merry Christmas and a happy holiday can become quite complicated it seems. 

We can be proactive in our approach to enjoying this holiday season - it will not solve all of our issues but it can help to ease them a bit.  Most of the advice you find on this subject grows out of a common sense approach to celebrating the season. 

Approach this celebratory time with moderation: enjoy some of the special dishes but do not use the holiday as an excuse to over-eat. Watch your alcohol intake. Many people tend to drink more at the holidays, yet alcohol can intensify those feelings of depression.  Stop searching for the perfect gift. Set a budget and stick to it. As a parent I can feel that I need to make every wish come true for my children but truthfully, their toy baskets are already full of past wishes come true. Maybe we can help our children to focus on the real reason for celebrating: family, faith, peace on earth, for example.

 
If your feelings of depression lead you to thoughts that are dangerous to your health, seek professional help. It is difficult to find convenient help here but it is possible. It may even require going out of country for a period of time in order to regain your perspective and find coping strategies but this is a gift you should give yourself.

Find ways to alleviate the pressure by allowing flexibility.  Maybe you will not manage to send out hundreds of Christmas cards this year - that is okay. Instead of wandering Vitosha for the perfect sweater, go on-line and purchase a gift certificate for grandma to a bookstore. Make the dinner party you are throwing a buffet, not a formal sit-down affair.  Hire someone to clean your house the day after the party. 

Finally, this season revolves around the message of hope and faith. When we look at the season in terms of flashing lights, expensively wrapped gifts, and price tags, levels of stress begin to rise. This is a time to rediscover that which was lost. Maybe it is time to step into a place of worship and be reminded that you are not alone. If you are not religious then seek meaning where you know it can be found. This season is a time to search our hearts and to find the deeper reason for our lives - joy lies there. 
From my heart to yours, I wish you a merry season.

For some practical reading and good tips on handling stress during the holidays:
http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/103.cfm  Holiday Depression and Stress
http://www.emaxhealth.com/32/1072.html  Seven Ways to Release Holiday Stress
http://psychinternational.com/abroad/abroad06.html  Living Abroad.  Visitors Welcome
http://workabroad.monster.com/articles/holidays/  Away for the Holidays
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030  Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping

http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=8  Coping with Holiday Stress
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=19083  Tips For Coping With Holiday Stress and Depression
http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/103.cfm  Holiday Depression and Stress