DURING my short time in Sofia, I have seen three expatriate marriages dissolve. It happens more frequently than you might think and the problem spans cultural boundaries too. The couples I observed were British, American and Belgian.

"One of the scandals that the locals still remember was a Vice Consul who came to post without his wife. The landlady of the Vice Consul got too cosy with him. By the time the wife arrived in town, it was too late. It was messy to say the least," reports an expat from El Salvador.

Affairs with host country nationals top the list of reasons for the demise of expat marriages. Other include: prolonged absences (workaholics and overloaded travelers), maladjustment of the dependent spouse, power shifts in the marriage, uneven experiences of the new country and unusual or upsetting routines.

"Many expatriate couples report a 'magnifying glass' effect on their relationships: moving overseas can make good relationships better and struggling ones worse," say Melissa Brayer Hess and Patricia Linderman, authors of The Expert Expatriate.

If your struggle has ended and separation and divorce are imminent, seek professional legal help as soon as possible. Jeremy Morley, of the International Divorce Law Office in New York, advises that participants study the laws of their host country and home country before filing. This interesting example from his web site will make your wedding ring turn green!

· Joan and John live in London. John owns a dating agency. Joan is a librarian. They marry. Thereafter, John expands his business onto the internet and the business explodes. He works day and night, creating the largest singles community in cyberspace, while Joan works regular hours as a librarian and also does most of the housekeeping work. She and John discuss his business as part of their general conversations and she gives him helpful advice from time to time. If they divorce, the English court will not give Joan a share of John's business, even though her support and encouragement helped make it possible for John to expand the business.

· But what if, during the marriage, John sets up an office in New York and rents an apartment there? And what if, as he and Joan become increasingly estranged, he spends more and more time over there, even perhaps to the extent of obtaining a long-term visa? If the divorce case is heard in a New York court, subject to New York law, John could suffer a massive reversal of fortune. Joan will assert that her contribution to the increase in the value of the business was extremely significant, because she provided the circumstances that allowed John to focus on the business. She will offer in evidence the report of an expert valuing the business in the millions, while asserting that it was worth peanuts at the time of the marriage. Joan will demand half of the appreciation. Of course, John's expert will offer a much lower current valuation and a much higher initial valuation, but in the end John will lose a huge chunk of his business to Joan, or he will have to make large periodic payments to her for many years to come.

Divorce law statutes vary all over the world. While offshore accounts and international child visitation complicate expat divorces, the couples' negotiations and methods always rest on the limits of local law. The dire need for local law research is best explained by this July report from www.wirelessreview.com:

· The government of Malaysia has given its blessing for Muslim men to divorce their wives via wireless text messaging. The precedent was set last week when an Islamic court ruled in favour of a man who terminated his marriage by notifying his wife over her wireless device. "SMS is just another form of writing," said Hamid Othman, a religious adviser to Malaysian prime minister Mathahir Mohamad, in an interview with the New Straits Times. Othman added that divorce messages must be clear and concise. Under existing Islamic law, men can also divorce their spouses by saying "I divorce you" three times in a row.

According to the latest GMAC Global Relocation Trends Survey, 65 per cent of employed expatriates are married and 86 per cent of those married employed expatriates bring their spouses to post while 59 per cent of expatriates bring children also.

That's a lot of families juggling the joint stress of relocating relationships and living internationally simultaneously.



Next Week:

Single Parenthood Abroad