I AM reading an interesting new book called "Moveable Marriages: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It" by Robin Pascoe. She is a Canadian author who followed her husband "across continents, time zones and cultures" for more than 20 years. While her research is light on statistical data, she did interview 200 expatriate families from around the world. She hits the top four marriage busters from a woman's point of view, and provides helpful hints on how to overcome the obstacles.

1. Power Shift. When couples move abroad for one spouse's job, the other spouse quickly feels a void of identity, purpose and affiliation because of the relocation. Usually this is because the "trailing spouse" finds herself unemployed, unpacking boxes and waiting for the cable repairman while the employed spouse is experiencing the best aspects of the host country. According to Pascoe, the sudden change from equal earning partner to housekeeper creates a power shift in the marriage. "The situation can be particularly depressing for a woman who feels she's become invisible in the only adult relationship [with her husband] she may have for weeks or months after a relocation. Some women feel like the hired (non-paid) help, trapped with the moving representatives or other service people while their husbands are off having a life." Her advice? Get connected as soon as possible. She says, "women who equate identity with purpose will feel lost in their new setting until they find work, a playgroup for their young children, a local university where they can sign up for courses, or other useful and productive ways to spend their days."

2. Loneliness. "There is an intense loneliness to work through in the early days and weeks after a move, and these feelings are bound to manifest themselves in the dynamics of the relationship and everyday life" says Pascoe. Leaving behind a support network of family, friends and a professional life for the uncertainty of a new country with no friends, family or realistic work options can be daunting. On top of that, the non-working spouse may literally be alone due to the demands of business travel for the working spouse. "I have often called myself a single parent without dating privileges as a way of making light of my loneliness when my road-warrior partner is away," says Pascoe. Some of the do's and don'ts she mentions are: do learn to communicate and empathise with each other; do join everything including language classes to smooth your transition and do look for work if that's the only thing that will give you back your identity but don't drink alone as a remedy to dinner by yourself.

3. Work. In today's dual-income world, maintaining two careers is difficult in your own home country. So it's next to impossible to relocate two professions to a new country. Pascoe has been very vocal about the disruption her husband's relocations caused to her career. Yet, after years of writing about global living, she now looks back on it all with a new perspective. "For all my moaning, moving turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to my career. The lack of a structured career path forced me to think outside my comfort zone," says Pascoe. Discussing professional challenges with her husband and receiving his understanding proved critical. "If it were just a job we were after, things would be different, but the stakes here are infinitely higher than a nine-to-five place to park ourselves. It's about who we think we are, and about coming to understand our new role in a moveable marriage," Pascoe explains.

4. Money, Sex and Intimacy. Personally, I'm glad that Pascoe tackles these subjects. They are never discussed in polite expat company but they are at the root of most marital problems. The money issue is a big one. Providing a monthly allowance for the dependent spouse and attending financial planning sessions together are two suggestions for achieving a better financial partnership.

Every expat married couple can relate their own harrowing tale about how sex changed drastically after relocating. I know one expat friend who refers to her first year overseas as "our sexless first year." Pascoe writes, "When a spouse feels out of control in her life and her marriage, it's not uncommon for her to seize one part of the relationship in which she can claim the upper hand. Some control the kids, but others set the timetable for sex."

Then of course the issue of sex is closely related to intimacy. She explains how a woman "feels shut out of the new world her husband has entered, while her own surroundings are still alien. She's desperate to feel connected , especially to her husband. These feelings also naturally fuel or zap her sense of self-esteem.

Pascoe's tips for the money, sex intimacy triangle are: plan budget meetings and educate yourself about family finances; negotiate spousal allowances to compensate for lost income and make sure there is enough left over for "screw you" money as she says. "My screw you account isn't terribly polite-sounding but it's meaning couldn't be clearer. This is my money to spend as I see fit or give away to a worthy cause of my choice." As for the sex and intimacy part, she suggests women learn how to play golf!

The remainder of the book discusses how parenting abroad can either make or break a relationship. It also touches on other taboo subjects like what to do when a moveable marriage goes wrong and how to restore balance to your relationship after relocating.

I highly recommend the book,and believe it will be insightful to you no matter how long you've been married or how many times you've moved abroad.