WHAT was it like to move a teenager? "It was hell," said Mary Cain. That sentiment echoes throughout the expat community as families describe the real difficulties associated with a teenage move.

Unlike younger children, teenagers understand exactly what is happening and sometimes rebel. Harnessing that negative energy and turning it into a positive transition is the challenge parents dread most.

Mary's son Clayton had finally found his niche with a group of friends in the US. Then, at 14, he was transferred suddenly to Bulgaria and immediately had to begin high school. "It was a tough time for him," says Mary. "We arrived two weeks late in August and school had already started. Everything was completely different; the course load was heavier than his old school and he didn't know anyone."

Developmentally, teenagers are changing daily. Mental, physical and emotional leaps can be hard enough to handle without the added stress of a family move. So it is not really the move itself that causes problems, it is the cumulative effect of all those changes happening simultaneously.

The good news is that once a teenager learns to overcome those hurdles they will enjoy a greater level of maturity and an expanded worldview. "Once Clayton learned about the culture here, he gained more confidence and really matured quickly" says Mary. He now enjoys a lot more freedom and responsibility here than he did in the US and he has a whole new understanding of his home country.

Debra Carlson had a similar experience. She writes about her teenage experiences in Being a Global Nomad: The Pros and Cons at www.worldweave.com. She says there is "a sense of maturity that springs from success when you make friends, adjust to a new school, and learn your way around public transportation systems.

"By the time I was a senior at the American School in Japan getting around Shinjuku station was a breeze, a daily two and a half hour commute to and from school was nothing, and my day away from home generally stretched from 7 am to 6 pm - with homework until late at night."

In the end, the Cain family made the transition well and they are all stronger for it. But if she had it to do over again, Mary shares the following advice to parents:

· More information. "I would have obtained more information about the school but also about the students who attend. I would have tried to set up some sort of pen pal situation beforehand." That way her son could have asked his own questions of a peer. "I wish I could have had a similar Bulgarian pen pal too," she said. That would have helped answer questions about activities, the city's nightlife and what kids do here for fun.

· More time. She encourages parents to go to the school and meet teachers and administrators first. "We didn't have that option," she said and it would have really made a difference for her son and her family.



Other tips from The American Academy of Pediatrics include:

· If possible, give your teen three months' notice before an upcoming move, so that he has time to absorb the news and get used to the idea.

· Explain the reason for relocating.

· Emphasise the positive aspects of the mo-ve.

· Remind your child that they are not the only student who is a bit uneasy about the first day of school.

· Point out the positive aspects of starting school: It will be fun. They will meet new friends. Remind them of previous years when they returned home after the first day at school in high spirits after having a good time.

· Give your child some strategies for coping with bullies. They should not give in to a bully's demands, but should simply walk away or tell the bully to stop.

· If you feel it is appropriate, accompany your child to school and pick them up on the first day.

Above all listen to your kids. Answer their questions honestly and do not dismiss their feelings. The teenage years mean super sensitivity. The loss of old friends is difficult and if there is a romantic interest the pain of moving can be even more dramatic.

Encourage your kids to stay in touch but push them toward new beginnings. The teenage years may be hell but remind your kids they are much more resilient than they think!



Additional Resources:



www.gnvv.org - Global Nomads Virtual Village; internet meeting place for those who have grown up globally.



www.tckworld.com - established by Samuel Britten, this site is a home for those children who have lived all over the world and want to connect with friends who have done the same.