MY fondest memory of Halloween occurred one chilly evening 13 or so years ago. Faced with the unjust realisation that my trick or treating days were well behind me, I knew there was one avenue which remained open - scaring the hell out of the neighbourhood kids.

As night began to fall, I proceeded to bundle myself in as many sweaters as I could fit into and set up an old chair on the front porch, next to a poorly carved pumpkin. I put on one of my brother's old Halloween masks - the likeness of a grisly zombie soldier with a stretched and torn face - and laid some blankets across my lap. For the coup de grace I rested a sledgehammer across my lap and slumped lazily back into the chair.

The next few hours were some of my finest as I waited in giddy anticipation for my unwitting victims. Time after time, I bore witness to costumed children having the following conversation before making my move:

Darth Vader: "You know, that's a real guy."
Freddy Krueger: "No way, man, that's a stuffed dummy."
Darth Vader: "I'm telling you, he's real. Go ahead, touch him."
(Long Pause)
Freddy Krueger: "...um... OK."

I always waited until my victims were as close as possible before leaping to my feet with that sledgehammer swinging overhead. Whoever said the youth of today are sadly out of shape had obviously never seen some of these kids run. They'd always come back though, and a good laugh was had by all, although, curiously, everyone would claim they knew I was real as soon as they saw me. Sure they did.

As All Hallows Eve rapidly approaches, the Internet has countered with a slew of sites to prepare you once again for the occasion. Treasure it while you can, it's really only a matter of time before the experience of Trick or Treating is entirely online.

Over at www.cavernsofblood.com you'll find a wide selection of everything you need to get you into the spirit of things. In addition to "Jigsaw puzzle hell games" and "The magic 8 ball of horror", the site includes a "Nightmares and dreams" section. Here lies a series of nightmares sent in by the online community that will no doubt send a shiver down your spine - if not from the stories, then from the spooky background music. If you need a breather, check out the "Blast a movie horror villain" section where you're given the opportunity to take your frustrations out on Jason, Freddy, Dracula and any other of a series of onscreen villains.

If you're simply in search of some Halloween humour, a small dose can be found at www.geocities.com/Athens/Rhodes/1989/humour/halloween.html. This fantastic resource for parents thinking about taking their kids out for some fun includes several top ten lists, such as "Top 10 houses to avoid when Trick or Treating." Wary parents should be careful of: Any house that seems to be imploding into the ground; any house where the only entrance seems to be going to the basement; and any house that wasn't there a couple of seconds ago. Also of interest is the "Top 10 reasons Trick or Treating is better than sex." Skeptical? You should be, but, according to the list, here's the proof: You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack; if you don't get what you want you can always go next door; and It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

If, like me, Halloween has you reminiscing about your youth and simpler times, be sure to have a look at www.iusedtobelieve.com. I Used to Believe is a collection of the bizarre and crazy things people used to believe. Not just the run of the mill Santa Claus and Easter Bunny stuff, but the weird things our parents inadvertently inflicted upon us.

Here's a submission from LeDayz: "My mother told me that the reason she woke up naked some mornings was because the clothes monster came at night and took all her clothes. Being a shrewd child, I figured that it accounted for the strange noises at night in their bedroom. I finally got it when I was about 10."

On a holiday of frightening things, I can't imagine anything scarier than that poor child spending Halloween after Halloween dressed as some mysterious creature known only as "the clothes monster."