YOU know something's wrong when you start wishing for some monosodium glutamate poisoning to liven up your meal.

Never having tried Korean food, we puzzled over what to expect at the Korean House restaurant. Would the meal be heavy on grease and monosodium glutamate, like Chinese cooking? Or would it be rice-and-raw-fish centred, like Japanese cuisine? By the time the night was over only one question remained: is Korean food supposed to be this bland?

The bright, clean atmosphere led us to believe we were in for a nice evening at the restaurant, which is tucked away at the south-eastern edge of the Borisova Gradina. The English-speaking staff showed us into a kind of cosy cubicle (the tables are sectioned off by wood boards papered with Korean scrolls) and we were given photo album menus that pictured all the available dishes. Although the place was a bit cold, we were warmed by the offer of a little stove just for us.

The first thing to arrive on our pretty floral placemats was an assortment of small appetisers - from dried seaweed to seasoned pickles. Though it made for healthy nibble food, only the spiced cabbage had any kick to it. The next thing we tried to attack was a giant leaf of lettuce. This green beast arrived with only a bean paste and a small dish of salty broth, but we realised too late that we needn't have devoured it solo. The lettuce actually was meant to accompany one of our first courses.

Most of the entrees, though, had less flavour than the appetisers. Sushi seems hard to mess up, but ours came without the ginger or hot green mustard that's normally offered in Japanese restaurants. We would even have had to eat it without soy sauce had we not thought to ask for it. We were frightened when we saw our waitress hauling out raw meat for the samgyupsal (pork bellies), but then she proceeded to bring out a burner and brown it in front of us. It was tender and juicy, but again, needed some zing.

The fried rice looked like a big, yellow UFO - it came as an egg pocket stuffed with overcooked, flavourless rice and bits of cucumber and hot dog(!). Our luck finally took a turn for the better with the Korean-style vermicelli - slippery noodles with spinach and carrots - and the excellent dak doritang - fried rounds of chicken-on-the-bone sitting in a super-spicy goulash of potatoes and cabbage.

Throughout the night the intimacy of our cubicle was shattered by the staff, who kept peering in on us. Were they trying too hard to be hospitable, or to hurry us along? When they offered us dessert on the house, we figured it was attempt at reconciliation. But then we saw that it was just a lukewarm plate of banana, apple and kiwi slices.

If we were part of the international crowd working in the nearby embassy buildings, we might stop at Korean House for lunch once in a while. Otherwise, we'd prefer to point our chopsticks elsewhere.